Ryan Gosling Moves In

MICHELLE: Hey, Ryan.

RYAN: Michelle. Ma belle.

MICHELLE: Right, yes. The Beatles.

RYAN: I am crazy for you.

MICHELLE: Madonna. Can I play? How about, ‘Don’t stand so close to me.’

RYAN: The Police! Also, sorry. I’m just so drawn to your creamy white torso. I want to spread it on toast and take it for breakfast in bed.

MICHELLE: … R. Kelly?

RYAN: No, Ryan Gosling.

MICHELLE: Really? Since when are you so horny?

RYAN: I DON’T KNOW. I think it’s the scarf. It has me feeling so randy. Like I could drink a shot of rum out of your clavicle. And then leap into your dress, and into your secret garden…

MICHELLE: EW!

RYAN: No, Bruce Springsteen. Well, sort of.

MICHELLE: Man, this is getting scary. I’m gonna shoot somebody.

RYAN: What?!?

MICHELLE: Now THAT was R. Kelly.

RYAN: Cunning. But seriously, I do like that dress. It’s like a painting. A painting of serenity. I can paint, you know. With my fingers. I could turn your fair epidermis into a canvas, that skin like porcelain, one pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue…

MICHELLE: John Mayer. Wow, I can’t believe you are quoting Man-Whore at me. Dealbreaker!

RYAN: You thought I was quoting R. Kelly before, but JOHN MAYER is your dealbreaker?

MICHELLE: A girl has to have standards. Does this stuff really work on Blake Lively?

RYAN: I never kiss and tell. But, yes.

MICHELLE: Well, congrats to you and your scarf. I hope you’re all very happy. Laughter is calling for you. Three’s company, too.

RYAN: That one is… wait for it, I know this one…

MICHELLE: It’s Three’s Company.

RYAN: Damn! You’ve bested me in this round, Williams. Well played indeed.

Ashton Kutcher Goes on Sex Ed Rant Promoting his New Shitty Movie

You'd think a press conference for No Strings Attached, a movie Natalie Portman is probably kicking herself for starring in—nothing like following the critical tongue-kissing for Black Swan with a wet dog turd of a rom-com, Portman—would be as lame as the plot, which is described as "a date movie about twentysomething 'sex friends' who accidentally fall in love," but thanks to Ashton Kutcher, there's actually something to report on here.

While promoting No Strings Attached, Kutcher somehow managed to climb aboard a sex-related soapbox, declaring his beliefs that... well, I'm not entirely sure, to be honest.

Here, read for yourself:
"I think there’s so much that’s not said about sex in our country, even from an educational level. I do a lot of work on human trafficking, and I connect a lot with girls that end up in this trade, if you will. Partially because of a lack of education about sex in the country. Sometimes we get to make films that open things up that people can talk about, and one of the interesting things — I don’t want to veer off on a weird human trafficking thing, but — is that, especially for women in the sex education process in schools, the one thing they teach about is how to get pregnant or how to not get pregnant, but they don’t really talk about sex as a point of pleasure for women. The male orgasm is actually right there and readily available to learn about because it’s actually part of the reproductive cycle, but the female orgasm isn’t really talked about in the education system. Part of that creates a place where women aren’t empowered around their own sexuality and their own sexual selves, and from a purely entertainment point of view, to create a movie with a female lead that’s empowered with her own sexuality is a powerful thing. And if we can give teenage people something to think about from a sex perspective, I would say it would be to open a conversation where women are empowered with their own sexual experiences from an educational level as well as an entertainment level."

Uh huh. Okay, so let me see if I've got this straight: if women were empowered to get themselves off, they wouldn't end up as abducted sex slaves, and this crap-ass movie he's in is going to create a bunch of valuable sociological dialogue.

Well, in case this wasn't enough to make you raise an eyebrow, Kutcher also recently did an interview with Men's Fitness where he predicted that the "end of days" is on its way. He claims to be stocking up on guns, spending hours and hours running the canyons near his home, and learning Krav Maga, a deadly Israeli combat technique. A quote from the interview: "All of my physical fitness regimen is completely tailored around the end of day. I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I care about."

So Ashton Kutcher's eternally terrible rom-com movies are for the betterment of womankind, and his chiseled bod is for apocalyptic purposes only. Man, I had him ALL wrong. I wonder what altruistic explanation he has for Punk'd and Dude, Where's My Car.

Daniel Radcliffe Sings the Periodic Table of Elements

I find myself easily amused by Daniel Radcliffe singing the periodic table of elements.
He performed "The Elements" by musical humorist Tom Lehrer on Graham Norton's show, and it's seriously impressive/nerdy/wonderful.

Kirsten's Move to Being Classic

My initial reaction to this was a big WAH-WAAAAH.

It’s so plain, so crinkled, so BORING and Kiki is ALIVE and VITAL and should be inspiring us to do more than sit in a chair and sniffle. But the thing is, I have to give this credit: the vintage aura somehow also totally suits her. I mean, it’s not like Lady Gaga or Meryl Streep or Miley Cyrus is parading around in this; it’s very Kirsten, so in that sense, even if this might be at Defcon 1 levels of mustiness, I also think it’s possible La Dunst knocked this out of the park.

Channing Tatum Go Back to the Way You Were

Remember back when it seemed like Channing Tatum cute?

Turns out he’s never really had an intimate relationship with a quality razor, but whatever — that’s not a requirement. I just think the shorter hair worked a lot better than the coif he’s attempting to rock now:

I keep expecting him to try and sell me a certified pre-owned Oldsmobile that smells vaguely of cigar smoke, ointment, and feet.

Great Harry Potter Parody Videos

Popeater has kindly complied great Harry Potter parody videos for us all to enjoy: http://www.popeater.com/2010/11/19/harry-potter-parodies-video-list/

Harry Potter Puppet Pals is the best, and forever classic. I remember being in 7th grade and laughing my head off. Wait, I am still laughing my head off.

Elizabeth Moss Gets Back at Ex Looking Fabulous

Ladies, this is how we triumphantly prove to our man what he is missing out on: by looking more fabulous than ever. Take Elizabeth Moss, who recently divorced Saturday Night Live's Fred Amrisen: SUCK ON THIS, EX-HUSBAND FRED ARMISEN THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR TAKING UP WITH A GIRL HALF YOUR AGE.

Renee Zellweger Needs to Let Her Lungs Breathe

On Renee, this dress is SO tight that I half expect her to be arrested for public nudity because it’s just body paint. It makes sense to me that she’s at CNN’s event for modern-day heroes, because she deserves some kind of medal for squeezing into that thing without ripping it, removing any of her ribs, and/or compressing her lungs to the size of raisins.

Beckham's Glued Dirt

“Yes. It’s true. Even when I haven’t shaved my neck and it looks like Posh has secretly replaced my hair gel with a box of dirt, I AM STILL DREAMY. HOW DO I DO IT?”

I am Glad Winona Ryder is Back

I have missed Winona Ryder and I am glad she is making a comeback. Here is an article: http://www.celebitchy.com/129144/winona_ryder_at_39_humble_less_crazy_ready_to_settle_down/

Alexa Ching is SO Overrated.

I can't stand Alexa Chung. She makes high fashion drab and is too skinny and painful to look at.
I don't like a British person hosting AMERICAN MTV. That doesn't make sense. Here is an article that I love about why people should not like Alexa Chung: http://thegloss.com/fashion/why-alexa-chung-bothers-me/

David Hasselhoff, Did You Look in the Mirror?

Dave thought upon waking this morn,
“Now what could these fierce shoes adorn?”
Then a shiny black spider
Did bite our Knight Rider
And a Slick Superhero was born.

Beverly D’Angelo has a Martini Hand

I love how this photo makes it look like Beverly D’Angelo a) has two right hands, and b) has one which is both disproportionately large and clutching an empty martini. Of course, a little large-limbed wishful drinking might explain why D’Angelo showed up at this premiere looking like that crazy lady in the woods who uses roadkill to make coats. She’s more Beav than Bev.

Louis Vuitton's Leg Heels

Yes, you’re not mistaken: The heel is modeled after a deer leg. They’re Louis Vuitton, hot off the Spring 2011 runway, but unfortunately I don’t find them graceful and sprightly (a la that professional frolicker Bambi) so much as wonkus and terribly uncomfortable-looking. It draws my attention, too, to the level of foot squish we’re seeing in this minimalist shoe, and then I start to wonder about blisters and chafing, and THAT is some sexy imagery, let me tell you. Apparently it’s actually a giraffe leg, which does at least explain why they don’t evoke Bambi for me, and also, makes me lament the lack of famous giraffes.

James Franco's Mustache to Host the Oscars.

Remember when you heard that James Franco and Anne Hathaway were going to be hosting this year’s Oscars? When I read that, I was kind of like, “really? Franco? REALLY?” I mean, I know he’s done almost LITERALLY everything else this year, so why not, but still. I am hoping he’d host it in character as Franco, the Artist Whose Canvas Is MURDER (his General Hospital character and yes that is his legal name):
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE WHATEVER ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS. Can’t you totally picture this dude half-stoned and leering his way through Best Short Subject and, like, playing absently with this droopy little ‘stache while Anne talks, and then accidentally referring to Martin Landau as Martian Manhoe or something, while everyone in the front row titters self-consciously? And then the next day all the postmortems will either read, “that was bizarre but weirdly charming,” or, “that was the worst freaking idea since the Snow White debacle,” and yet somehow Franco will just shrug it off and be like, “yeah, and wasn’t my mustache HILARIOUS? Gotta go — my canvas needs some murder paint.” Now that I’ve pictured the way the whole thing is going to play out — as a refresher, it goes: stoned, random, wrong, awkward, drunk, entertained, hungover — I’m kind of REALLY on board.

Selena Gomez, Stop Singing Because You Can't

Selena Gomez has everything here: a lousy singing voice painful to listen to, the bodice of Miss USA, and the pants of a former Miss USA who has been living out her days in a nursing home taking medication for delusions that she lives in a lamp. And just when you think geriatric genie pants are as bad as things could get, the universe teaches you not to deal in absolutisms.


They are geriatric genie pants with VENTILATION.

Carey Mulligan Sees Colin Firth

Carey Mulligan’s like, “COLIN FIRTH. I SEE YOU. AND I SHALL MAKE YOU MINE.”

Milla Jovovich Knows You Want Her

I love Milla Jovovich’s facial expression here.

It’s so fierce and Come Hither, all, “Do you want it? You do. Admit it. No, don’t. This game of cat-and-mouse is so much more erotic, don’t you think? Let us suck the marrow out of our unspoken desire.”

The thing is, I was totally expecting to be all, “NICE CAFTAN.” ButI am not super appalled by this. Milla Jovovich has her own fierce personal style, and it doesn’t look like she’s about to pull up a cauldron and brew up some eye-of-newt juice. It’s more like what I imagine Glinda the Good Witch wears now that she has taken up with the Scarecrow and retired to Palm Beach.

This Vogue Issue is Stupid

It comes to my attention that I totally forgot to renew my Vogue subscription and haven’t gotten it for three months and didn’t even notice until just now, which is a bad sign for Vogue. I can’t believe I missed the issue where they suggest thoughtful Christmas gifts, all of which are “price upon request.” I also can’t believe I didn’t get to read the article in this issue which will explain why I get fat. My theory is, “too much chocolate, not enough cardio,” but they swear it’s not what I think. Whatever it is, I hope it’s solved by MORE chocolate and even LESS cardio, although considering the source it’s probably more likely that they’ll advance the theory that weight gain is caused by my pesky solid food addiction. Anyhoodle, of COURSE Portman is on the cover.

I Detest John Mayer, Just So You Know

“Put me in a dark room with a far-sighted girl and I can TOTALLY pass for Johnny Depp! It’ll be like that (http://www.playboy.com/articles/john-mayer-playboy-interview/index.html?page=1) disaterous Playboy interview never happened! I CAN SCORE AGAIN! Thank you, hair follicles. Thank you. Now, where’d I put my scarves?”

Nicholas Cage, Just Be Bald

I like Nicholas Cage even though I don't actually like him. I have quite the selection of his movies for some reason. On air planes I watch these dumb-ass Nic Cage movies I never got around to seeing and that is because YOU, Nicolas Cage, YOU SIR are a National Treasure. There is no other actor who accepted an Academy Award and then proceeded to make a more delicious and ENDLESS avalanche of totally terrible/awesome popcorn flicks. No other! JUST YOU. So, for the love of Mount Rushmore and its national, treasured secrets, SHOW US WHATEVER IS PERCOLATING UNDER THAT TOUPE. LOVE IT. OWN IT. BUFF IT. It worked for Willis!

Kristen's Stealing Robert's Bit

KRISTEN STEWART: Oh, God. Our category is coming up next.

ROBERT PATTINSON: Is it reeeeeally?

KRISTEN: Please don’t let us win best movie. Please. COME ON, INCEPTION.

R.PATTZ: Oh REALLY.

KRISTEN: We’re up for Best Onscreen Team, too, right? I mean, that’s totally Steve Carell and Tina Fey from Date Night, hey? We aren’t even a team! We are more of… an autonomous collective.

R.PATTZ: Really!

KRISTEN: I’m going to be sick.

R.PATTZ: Ew, really?

KRISTEN: Will you stop acting like a moron?

R.PATTZ: Sorry. I just can’t believe you still can’t handle going up on stage for this stuff. We’ve only won eleventy billion of these things. And you look so nice tonight!

KRISTEN: Really?

R.PATTZ: Don’t steal my bit.

KRISTEN: Sorry.

R.PATTZ: But you do. So let’s take a look. Beginning with dragging you up on stage.

KRISTEN: No. No, no, NO!

R.PATTZ: Yes, yes, yes.

Two Heartbroken Souls Unite: Swift and Efron

TAYLOR SWIFT: Hi, Zac.

ZAC EFRON: Hi, Taylor. You seem blue.

TAYLOR: Haven’t you heard? I just broke up with Jake Gyllenhaal. We were truly in love. We, like, drank coffee together. It was beautiful. So now I’m all wan and trying to cheer myself up with red lipstick.

ZEFRON: I feel you. I just broke up with Vanessa Hudgens. I had to cut my hair to deal with the heartbreak of being a Mature Single Man.

TAY: She should write a song about it.

ZEF: Maybe you could write it for her.

TAY: I’m too busy writing the one about how Jake was my love earthquake until I found out it was all fake and now I think he’s a rake.

ZEF: I hope you get over the heartbreak. Let me know if I can help.

TAY: Wait… maybe… do you want to DATE ME for a while? We could write a DUET about how it all ended gracefully and with mutual respect, right before I write the B-side about how you are a filthy rotten liar.

ZEF: Tempting, but I’ll pass.

TAY: Oh, right, okay. You JACKHOLE. YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS LYRICALLY.

ZEF: Good luck with that.

Ashley Greene, I Love You, But Attain Class

Ashley Greene, a talented actress with a big career ahead of her, still feels she has to strip to become famous- she posed for Maxim and lounged around the beach naked in body paint for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit. But no, she is not done selling herself: she let her boob greet us on the cover of Allure magazine. It is so sad, Ashley Greene, that you landed her biggest magazine cover by not wearing a bra.

I refuse to post suggestive pictures on my website thank you very much.

Josh Duhamel's Texting Lesson

If Fergie had been with him yesterday, this shit would not have gone down the same way.

So Josh Duhamel, after escorting his wife to the BillBoard Women of the Year event in New York, where she was named the Woman of the Year, then boarded a plane for Kentucky that was delayed. He was texting and refused to stop despite being asked three times, going so far as to deride the flight attendant who kept asking him.

According to TMZ, the flight attendant was not impressed, had the plane turned around, called the cops to come on board and threw him off the flight. Duhamel’s publicist’s response to this?

“He’s sorry.”

I don’t know why people bother fucking around with airline/airport staffers. I see it all the time. Someone starts huffing and puffing about their personal TV system not working, to the point of abuse, and they get shut down by the authorities as soon as the aircraft reaches the gate. Was it worth it?

The last time I was traveling, some asshole was pissed off that he couldn’t get an aisle seat and wasn’t able to check in early online because he doesn’t have a computer. He was spit-yelling at the agent upon check-in, pointing his finger in her face and calling her a bitch. Later on I noticed that he was on my flight. She found him an aisle seat but it was next to the toilet. And this was a plane destined eventually for Australia after a stop in Vancouver. From the look on his face, he knew he was in for a stank. It amazes me even more the people who throw a stink in the security line. Yeah I know there are stringent rules nowadays. But maybe I’m too simplistic. Because the alternative is that my plane might explode. So... please... go ahead and pat me down, it’s all good.

If ever there was a time to swallow your own shit and take it up the ass once in a while and plaster on a smile and be amenable and ask nicely, it’s at the airport and on an aircraft. Those people do not mess. But they are much more patient and accommodating to celebrities. Real ones. They let them hide in the bathroom, they give them extra snacks, they hustle them through security, if of course they know who they are. Even though you aren't actually a douchebag- seriously Josh- you should have put the cell phone away. Or text when the stewardess wasn't looking.

Colin Firth Should Have a Talk Show

Colin Firth and his wife Livia were in Paris last night for the French premiere of The King’s Speech. Have you seen it yet??? YOU SHOULD. I tell you- it will WIN BIG. Because it must, I tell you again. She it. It will make you smarter.

As you know, Firth is, at present, the favorite to win Best Actor. Things can change, anything can change, but there is no question, on this performance he is worthy of it, and on reputation and career accomplishment, he certainly has earned it. So he has both boxes checked over Franco and Eisenberg, said to be his closest competitors.

What I love about Colin is that he’s not so up his own ass that he’d bother pretending that he wouldn’t want it. Of course he wants it. He’s happy his film is being recognized, and he won’t be a dick if he doesn’t win, but he’s not fronting all nonchalant about the possibility either. It’s genuine. And he’s very realistic about the fact that this time, this time of praise, it’s also rather fleeting:

“I am not taking anything for granted. I think if you wish something like this away, all this attention and all these events – dressing up and being around beautiful and elegant people – it’ll be gone soon enough. It’s not guaranteed for life and I think both Livia and I are pretty good at just enjoying it while it lasts. The downs will be back. There’s absolutely no other possibility. You have to really, really enjoy the ¬moment. I’ve had a couple of meaty roles in a row and I certainly do not take that for granted. I don’t know if it’s going to come round again any time soon so it is a wonderful moment.”

Perfect. Not overly profound or descriptive, he is appreciative, he is realistic, he is EXCITED, and it just is.

Colin attributes some of this attitude to what life is at home:

“I do lead a very boring life but family is the secret. But I’m not romanticizing about my family as this wonderful, serene, grounded environment. In fact it’s mayhem. It doesn’t matter how people are reacting to you anywhere else, if you’ve got small children it’s up to you to deal with it and, you know, they are the divas. You can’t say to them, ‘You better behave yourself or I’m going to call my agent’.”

I can actually hear him saying that. If I heard him say that in front of my face I would giggle like a fangirly twit. He’s terribly, terribly funny. In the hot ass way that British men are dryly funny.

Anyway, these quotes are from a good interview with The Mirror. He talks about how he played Bertie, and about how he fell in love with his wife, and about the royal reaction to the film. Not a bad read: http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2011/01/02/colin-firth-says-i-m-no-sex-symbol-115875-22820640/#ixzz1ACBKiwNC

Bertie, of course, had a stammer and the story of his struggle to speak in public is The King’s Speech. In real life though, Helena Bonham Carter says that Colin can’t shut the hell up. In fact, he and Geoffrey Rush both:

"I did find it funny that as soon as the camera was turned on he'd have difficulty speaking [playing a stammerer] but as soon as it's off, honestly, he just talks for Britain! They talk non-stop so it was kind of hard to concentrate. They're both amazing - they should have their own chat show!"

Kellan Lutz Will Climb A Tree for Your Attention

http://justjaredjr.buzznet.com/2010/02/13/kellan-lutz-climbs-a-tree-reads-a-book/

Back in February, Kellan Lutz wore an all-white outfit, and took the dog for a walk. The paps were around. And he really really wanted to read his book. So he climbed a tree. And was obviously fully engrossed. Photographers took his picture. His fans, the Twi-Hards, who are, as you know, learning impaired, seemed to think this was by accident.

Posing in a tree is about as egregious in famewhore terms as, well, as Heidi and Spencer. So there’s that.

Kellan Lutz was at an event the other day. And someone tried to ask him about...acting, or something. And this is was his answer:

“It’s tough for me to play vulnerable, or be taken serious as vulnerable. People don’t look at me that way. I’m a 6′1″, 195-pound guy. In a studio movie, I audition and they’re like, ‘No, Kellan, can’t play this thing at all.’ It’s nice to find independents that you can have fun doing.”

So what he’s trying to say is that, in his mind, he’s too goodlooking and, like, too fit to be able to convince anyone that he can be tender...?

This, out of Kellan’s ass, is the male equivalent of Jessica Biel complaining that she’s too pretty to be taken seriously for serious parts.

Digging This Kirsten Dinst Interview

http://justjared.buzznet.com/2010/12/07/kirsten-dunst-covers-blackbook-december-2010/

Beastie Boy Adam Yauch's Cancer is Getting Better

Contrary to widely distributed reports from early Friday, Beastie Boys member Adam Yauch has not fully recovered from cancer. "While I'm grateful for all the positive energy people are sending my way, reports of my being totally cancer free are exaggerated," Yauch said in a statement. "I'm continuing treatment, staying optimistic and hoping to be cancer free in the near future."
When Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys was diagnosed with cancer in his parotid gland 18 months ago, the band canceled its shows and put off a much-anticipated album. All this doom and gloom made fans wonder if they had seen the last of the beloved rap-rock group. Guess again. In an interview with BBC Radio 1 (via WENN.com), bandmate Michael Diamond (Mike D) announced that Yauch (MCA) is on his way to beating the disease, saying, "We're really happy about it."

When Yauch was first diagnosed, the condition was considered "very treatable," and in March the gravelly-voiced rapper said he was on the mend after using a vegan diet and Eastern medicine.

Mike D revealed that while the band's upcoming album 'Hot Sauce Committee, Part 1' is still delayed, new music is on the way real soon, including an epic 'Runaway'-type music video.

Emily Blunt & John Krasinski Unite to Form EmSki.

On July 10th, 2010, these two got married.

First off, I must freely admit to loving John Krasinski more than I do the average star. Take your Depps and your Pitts and your almost everyone elses, and I will take me some John K. In fact, were it not for the fact that it’s Krasinski who’s legally married, he would trump Ashton Kutcher for me in a heartbeat.

And I love, LOVE Emily Blunt. Because she says she can’t talk about process, because it’s “wanky,” because she acted circles around Anne Hathaway and was somehow kind about it, because, to me, she is the anti-Natalie Portman. She’s a great actress without TELLING everyone she’s a great actress, and that is an achievement.

Now include the obligatory paragraph about how absolutely beautiful they both are, and how very much we like them in pretty, pretty evening clothing…

And I have gotten NOTHING. Nothing. Not one iota of what it’s like to be married to him, nothing about who travels where when someone has a project, nothing about what his mother said when his son married a Brit – barely even a photo (hilariously, if you google them, there is a wedding pic from The Office with Emily Blunt’s face badly Photoshopped over Jenna Fischer’s). I know they’ve been busy, so maybe they decided to take this year for themselves.

Somehow, from these two, I want more. I want the Original EmSki home tour and a long sitdown with Barbra Walters. Is that too much to ask Emily and John Krasinski?

Or am I the one who’s in the wrong here? I love the couple for not being media whores and not shoving themselves and their relationships in our faces (Kardashians anyone?). I mean guys, this is reason why Rachel McAdams is so awesome – she runs around Toronto on the SUBWAY. But seriously, I want John and Emily to kiss eachother to let us know that their romance actually exists and not disappears like Scarlett Johannson's and Ryan Renolds'.

Sofia Vergara: I'm Straight, But Still Call Me

Modern Family's Sofia Vergara does not look pleased to see the paparazzi in these pictures. I’m kinda glad this dude put himself in harms way to get these shots. I like this woman and I enjoy watching her walk. Call me.

Mila Kunis Sees Through Miley Cyrus' Bullshit

Like everyone else, Mila Kunis doesn't believe Miley Cyrus' claims that she was NOT smoking pot- JUST Saliva. Miley clarifying which drug she used does NOT make her case easier. Mila Kunis is awesomer for having the guts to say what everyone thinks:

http://www.celebuzz.com/mila-kunis-miley-cyrus-was-s288241/

For Twihards: Robert's Pattinson's Nostrils

I’m throwing in a shot of Pattinson flaring his nostrils because I really like when that happens in a movie. And just in case Twihards are reading my blog.

Are Kate and Wiiliam Allowed to Hold Hands?

Yes, know-it-alls. That’s your cue to shoot your hand straight up in the air with the answer. Comment here. About Prince William and Kate Middleton, who showed up together this weekend at their first official public event since the engagement for a Christmas reception in support of the Teenager Cancer Trust. As you can see, while happy and seemingly in great spirits, they’re maintaining a respectable distance between their bodies. Not appropriate to walk with fingers linked? If anything it would be an arm link then? Handholding is so common. Remember that the next time you hold hands with your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/lover. That doing so is just one of the reasons you are not royal. But seriously, the distance between Kate and Wiilliam is Jane Austen novel distance. This is the 212st century, royal lovebirds!

Why Am I Surrounded By Bosoms? Lautner Ponders

It’s Tom Cruise Jr at the Saints game posing with the Saints girls, willing himself to get through it, like he’s holding his breath, counting down the seconds until he can get away from all those bosoms. Not all 18 year old boys fantasize about being surrounded by scantily clad cheerleaders, ok?
Taylor Lautner is a Professional Machine. It’s about the work, the focus, the commitment, the career, and the fans. Gotta love that kid.

Are you A Rafa or A Roger?

I love Rafael Nadal. And here he is with Roger Federer posing at a press conference in support of their respective charities.
On December 21st they played against each other in Zurich – Federer won and the proceeds were directed to the Roger Federer Foundation.
On Decemner 22nd in Spain it was Rafa’s turn. He took it in 3 sets to benefit Fundacion Rafa Nadal.

It kills me how Rafa is standing. He’s always so shy, almost unsure. Tennis is such a lonely game. And I suppose that’s why he keeps getting in trouble for always looking at his coach for advice. Then of course somehow he finds a way to rip a backhand down the line and gut out a win. That’s the difference I suppose. Insecurity is definitely a quiver killer. But not when it’s overcome, and in such spectacular fashion. Rafa is ending the year as the world #1.

You’re either a Rafa or a Roger. May the best man win. Rafa.

Kate and William Look Awkward on a Coin

Critics are screaming "off with their heads" at Britain's Royal Mint's renderings of Kate Middleton and Prince William on a commemorative wedding coin. Some observers charge that it makes the princess-to-be look "plump" and has her royal fiance sporting "Elvis" hair.

That's not all: UK newspapers are suggesting Middleton's visage looks like she had her lips inflated and one royal watcher compared Prince William's minted resemblance to former Vice President Al Gore.

The Daily Mail notes that while the couple's official Mario Testino engagement photos were tastefully airbrushed, the coins have rendered the couple unrecognizable. Middleton looks "masculine" while her upper lip has been "plumped beyond" recognition.
The tabloid gives the mint kudos for discreetly disguising the prince's thinning hair, but complains his "Adam's apple matches the size of his nose." Ouch!

The Mirror complained that Middleton looks "chunkier and older" on the coin and said that while Prince William came out handsomer than his future bride, "he has been engraved with what seems to be an Elvis Presley quiff."

William and Kate Will Scrub Their Own Toilets

You would think that by marrying a prince you'd get a servant to wipe your ass, a servant to spray lavender oil on your after-BM anus, a servant to pick our your eye snots, a servant to make sure the butter slices fully melt in your baked potato before serving it (I HATE NON-MELTED BUTTER SLICES), etc... etc... The whole point of marrying a prince is so you don't have to live like a dirty filthy commoner anymore. But Kate Middleton will have to continue to live like a dirty filthy commoner, because word is that she won't have any household help after she married Prince William. The poor homeless peasants on the street are like, "It's so hard being Prince Willy and Kate."
Butthole Prince Charles has a staff of 150 that costs around $9.6 million a year, but Prince William and Kate want to live like the normal people do. They will do their own laundry, cooking, and cleaning. They will only employ bodyguards to protect them while they try to live like all of us.

Andrew and Emma: Love on the Bleachers

I’ve done a lot of shit in bleachers – cutting class, meangirling, several love arguments, drama rehearsal – but I cannot remember if I’ve ever kissed in them.

But I do love the bleachers. I love it when Heath Ledger sings across the bleachers to Julia Stiles in 10 Things I Hate About You. I love when Gary Bertier’s mother walks into the bleachers during the championship game after her son is paralysed in Remember the Titans. For some reason I always think Molly Ringwald is sitting in the bleachers when Andrew McCarthy’s Blaine comes to talk to her in the rough kids section of school. They should make an entire movie, like a Love Actually style movie, in the bleachers. Is there a bleacher montage somewhere out there? They should make that too. And include this scene out of the new Spider-Man, featuring Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone, shooting yesterday in LA.

Now I don’t normally find Garfield attractive, but this is the most attractive I’ve ever found him. Maybe it’s because he’s sitting in the bleachers. Maybe it’s the way he’s sitting. I like the way his body lounges. Maybe it’s Emma. Emma improves everyone. Maybe it’s how they seem to be pacing this kiss, all tentative and sweet, and super sexy, as he leans deep left into her face without reaching up to touch it – the hand to cheek/neck then kiss move seems to be so overused lately in movies, non? Total overkill.

Suddenly I’m extra a lot excited to see this Spidey.