Remember when you heard that James Franco and Anne Hathaway were going to be hosting this year’s Oscars? When I read that, I was kind of like, “really? Franco? REALLY?” I mean, I know he’s done almost LITERALLY everything else this year, so why not, but still. I am hoping he’d host it in character as Franco, the Artist Whose Canvas Is MURDER (his General Hospital character and yes that is his legal name):
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE WHATEVER ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS. Can’t you totally picture this dude half-stoned and leering his way through Best Short Subject and, like, playing absently with this droopy little ‘stache while Anne talks, and then accidentally referring to Martin Landau as Martian Manhoe or something, while everyone in the front row titters self-consciously? And then the next day all the postmortems will either read, “that was bizarre but weirdly charming,” or, “that was the worst freaking idea since the Snow White debacle,” and yet somehow Franco will just shrug it off and be like, “yeah, and wasn’t my mustache HILARIOUS? Gotta go — my canvas needs some murder paint.” Now that I’ve pictured the way the whole thing is going to play out — as a refresher, it goes: stoned, random, wrong, awkward, drunk, entertained, hungover — I’m kind of REALLY on board.